The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
