I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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