yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
