it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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