Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
