I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
