i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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