cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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