I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
