he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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