Dual....:-)
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
