A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
