Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
