I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Semen is not good for contacts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
