did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
