So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
