Girls should come with a carfax report
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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