dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
