If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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