he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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