he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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