Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
