The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize