That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
