im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
