they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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