He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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