I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
