Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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