found the other keg... it's in the tree
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
