its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
