I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
