I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize