look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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