I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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