I can text with my tongue
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
