You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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