Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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