OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
