I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
