that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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