it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
