I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
