Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
