There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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