final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
