He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
