I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
