No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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