Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there was a trapeze. enough said
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
