turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
