He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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