goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
