There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
