if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize