im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
