it hurts more in the daytime
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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