I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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