just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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