Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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