That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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