After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
