she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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