it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
