Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
