I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
