Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
