areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
