I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
