Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
