He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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