dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
In America we eat man semen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
