I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
