My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
