You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
