i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
