I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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