Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
