grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
