I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
